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10.16.02 - 6:56pm - Breastiges Hrm...so...not much to write. In other news...I got a letter from my mother recently. It was bizarre and thick and I thought it might have pictures in it or something. Instead it was full of breast cancer pamphlets. I'm sure the timing has to do with the national campaigns and all right now. But anyway...the letter was informing me that my mother had breast cancer 2 and a half years ago. She didn't want to tell us before my sister's wedding, for some reason. She was "OK" by then. She's still OK. But apparently she's now telling us because it's relevant to our medical history now, especially because she had it before age 50. I don't know what to think about that. Part of me is confused as to why she waited so long to say anything. Part of me feels sorry for her that she went through surgeries and stuff alone. (Well, her husband was there obviously, but not her daughters.) But another part of me really doesn't feel any warmer to her than I ever did. I'm sort of relieved I didn't know about this while it was happening because I'd have felt I HAD to be involved and I don't like her enough to care that much. I know that's really cold. It sucks that anyone has to deal with breast cancer. But it doesn't magically make her a good mother or somebody I enjoy being in contact with. I'm glad she let us know for the medical risk aspects and all that. But I just don't know what she expects of me now. Does she expect me to write back and be all sympathetic and want to build a relationship because I could have lost her? Or was it honestly just about being responsible and making us aware? I don't KNOW with her. I never could fathom her motives for anything. I'll probably write back and say thanks for the information and leave it at that. I don't know what else I can do without being completely false. I don't love her. I feel sorry for her for the pain she endured. But I don't love her. And I still don't really want her in my life. Was having a hard time last night. There's a date approaching and it just was hurting last night. Not much I can say. TV exacerbated it. I'm under a lot of stress right now. It sucks. |
Stayin' Alive - 11.03.03 , 10:52 a.m.
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